Loved it. It's fun, it's gory, it's silly, it's playful, it's two movies in one. It's the Pert Plus of movies if instead of washing and detangling your hair it killed your face off (pretend I said something cooler there). It starts with a hilarious trailer for Machete, followed by Robert Rodriguez's zombie movie Planet Terror. Before the second movie are three more fake trailers for B-movies and the film ends with Quentin Tarantino's car chase/girl power! revenge flick, Death Proof. People know who Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino are and what their movies are like. The film looks grainy and choppy; at one point there is a "Missing Reel" slide during what was otherwise a hot sex scene. It's supposed to look like drive-through B-movie camp from the '70s. Hot girls and gore. Rose McGowan is underrated. I loved it all around.
No one else did. Or at least, not enough people to make it a box office success. People were confused that it was TWO movies in one and some left after the first one. Others were apparently bothered by having to sit through two movies (oh no! Dear God! TWO?! I WANTED TO SEE ONE!!!!) Most of the critics whose opinion I seriously consider when I see a movie liked it. When Ebert was healthy enough to review it, he was not impressed. I thought it was fun and ridiculous, even if Death Proof dragged (the payoff was worth it. Kurt Russell wails like a dramatic child in one scene. Too funny). It didn't last very long in theaters and once it came out on DVD, it was released as two separate and inferior movies. Grindhouse will only be released in it's entirety on Blu-Ray, over three years after its theatrical release.
Machete, starring Danny Trejo, was the most marketable of all of the fake trailers. It's fun and silly and violent in a little over two minutes. Also, two sets of bare boobs. It started off the movie on a high note. Now it's an actual movie, directed by Rodriguez and co-directed by Ethan Maniquis. Danny Trejo has this look on his face like he knows he's bad as hell but he's too cool too care, like his mind is on something else (did I return my library books?) Just as in the trailer, Machete is framed for murder and uncovers a larger conspiracy, leaving bodies and blood in his wake. Robert DeNiro plays an anti-immigration senator up for re-election who doesn't want anyone to mess with Texas. Jessica Alba is an immigrations cop and a love interest for Machete, and her range of emotion never seems to contort how pretty her face is (which is to say, her range is limited). Lindsay Lohan has a few lines and looks adorable with her freckles and wavy, yellow hair. Michelle Rodriguez is the owner of a taco stand and a rebellious, no-nonsense hottie. Other actors in small to larger parts are Cheech Marin, Don Johnson and Jeff Fahey (reprising his role in the trailer).
The violence is fun, Trejo is beautiful, Steven Seagal is ponytailed, and a scene involving one unlucky individuals' intestines was delightful. Yet, I feel like... So? It's awkward how the scenes in the Machete trailer fit into the movie. I'm not surprised at these moments and I feel like the audience responded most positively to them. I liked the timely subject matter, but the movie as a whole took itself way too seriously. It's not nearly as fun or funny as the trailer, save for a few moments ("Machete don't text"). Jessica Alba is as bland as she's ever been. Keep her in romantic comedies, please. The editing feels kind of done at the last minute and only one scene (the intestines scene) really gets the gore right. I wanted more "oh shit, did that just happen?!" moments like I had during Piranha 3D.
I still liked this movie, I like that Danny Trejo is the star of a major picture and I like the commentary on immigration paired with the violence. However, it just didn't have the fun and campiness in 105 minutes that it had in those first 2:22 of Grindhouse.
